sweet nothings in my ear
July 4th, 2009 | Written by hurricanic
This masterpiece was received about a month ago from a man who’s screen name is literally “romeo***”. [The three digit number has been removed for his protection, as well as mine, because I'm sure some of you (Jared) would be sick and twisted enough to log on and write him on "my" behalf.] The number is randomly assigned, so I’m fairly certain that’s not the number of women he’s slept with, or the dollars he has in his savings account, or the count of the irregular moles on his body he needs to have looked at by a dermatologist. The simple fact, however, that he decided to name himself “romeo” leads me to know with certainty that THIS IS NOT THE MAN FOR ME. But let’s read his (also introductory) e-mail, and see if his smooth dialect can convince me otherwise, shall we?
“Hi how are u, I looked @ your whole Profile & it caught my attention right away, so message me back & let me know if u are interested in possibly getting more acquainted with each other. I think we have a lot in common, we both like doing the same things & are looking for about the same things in a relationship. What do u think, look over my profile & get back 2 me. I am one of the most Romantic men that u will ever meet. I am kind, considerate, thoughtful, sincere, adventerous, spontaneous, loving, down to earth, honest, trustworthy, & really know how to treat a woman with the respect that she deserves, & best of all I really enjoy spoiling my woman if I could ever find the right one that is lol. So if u are looking for a guy that’s all this & more then please get in contact with me, & if u have YM mine is ****** add me to your Friend’s so that we can chat more & get to know each other a lot more. I hope to get the chance eventually to show u just how romantic of a guy I can be, & how loving, & caring I am. I am not like other guys on here or on any other Dating Site that is just looking for one thing & one thing only I am truly looking for that special woman to come into my life & we can share all the wonderful things life & God have to offer. I also noticed we live close to each other that’s awesome u don’t find that 2 often. So I hope to hear from u real soon, & hopefully be able to chat with each other, take care. We have nothing to lose & everything to gain by trying to see if we click or not, so what do u say let’s chat & see where it takes us. We will take it as slow as u want 2 take it. I also don’t like playing Head Games, or One Night Stands tired of those days!!! Please message me & let’s try to get things started 2 see if we click, hope to hear from u soon, but if it just turns out that we just become Friend’s & that’s it, that’s fine also. Please send me a message & let me know that u are interested, I am interested in getting more acquainted with u, what do u say.”
I. HAVE. NO. WORDS.
Just so everyone knows, I had Jared read this so as to prove this is not made up, as if I even have the capacity to author anything of this variety.
His response? “P-L-E-A-S-E go on a date with this guy.”
My response to Jared? “Hell no.”
Singleness is looking better everyday.
if it was not clear before, kelly, i can totally C that U have the special power 2 bring men 2 their knees.
Oh. My.
Please write a book. I will buy it.
people like this exist? i guess my next question is, what’s wrong with this guy? sounds like a real catch. i mean aren’t you looking for the most romantic man in the world. someone who will treat you well every day of your life. aren’t you tired of one night stands? c’mon kelly. what more are you looking for?!
This is absolutely a canned spam response. Copy and paste for him. Delete for you.
Megan, I said the same thing. The way he kept going on and on after wrapping up, though maybe ideal in, uh… some situations, gives him away as spam. u don’t find that 2 often.