the year i dated a hundred boys
July 3rd, 2009 | Written by hurricanic
I’m sure it comes as no surprise that the reason my dating life this year has come to a new level of “sweet action” is in part to my first experience with on-line dating. Yes, yes…I know. Don’t even get me started on how this whole thing unfolded. For now, I’m going to blame my sister Janel as the one responsible for this mess. I had a conversation with her last fall about why I DIDN’T want to sign up for something like eHarmony, mainly because (as I told her) “it’s not the story I’ve wanted.” You know “the story”…the one you’ll tell for the rest of your life when people ask you how you met. Anyway, she looked at me in a way only she can and said very pointedly, “Is it the story you want, or the lifetime?” Ugh. Well now that you’ve put it that way…
So I begrudgingly signed up January 1. What BETTER way to put to rest “No Date 2008″? We’ll skip over all the details that made the first part of this experience tragic in a multitude of ways and only highlight the fact that the first two men who contacted me, expressing their interest in yours truly, were 1) a man wearing an animated M&M figurine necktie whose forehead sweat you could visibly see on the photo and 2) a man who, with six profile pics, was sporting Mickey Mouse attire in three of them. Things did NOT look hopeful.
I’m convinced, more now than ever, that I have a brilliant book in the making. It could very easily be the funniest book on dating ever written. Kind of an “Anne Lammot kicks Josh Harris in the crotch” inspired chronicle of what my romantic endeavors have taught me. In an effort to allow all of this to be what I’m convinced it to best be (entertainment for the masses), I will resurrect my dating tales as so very many of you have begged me to write of them here again. Because seriously, if you haven’t heard the accounts verbally…you have missed out on some GOOD stuff.
In the next few days, I will simply post some of the e-mails I’ve received in the last six months, starting with the tamest of them. This is but one of a half dozen I’ve received from the Catholic Latino international population. Apparently I am a big deal with the Catholic Latinos.
So how’s this for an introductory e-mail? I know I swooned, did you?
“hi beautiful
good to find you here
I read your profile and besides being a beautiful person was very interesting.
i would like to know about you. could be that you write back
write me, tell me more about you. are you open to relationchep with people from other countries?
how about come to Brazil?
big hug
flavio”
Well, Flavio…thanks for the “big hug”, but I’m not going to make it to Brazil. Why? If for no other reason because you don’t know how to spell relationship.
oy handsome man of love
you email was enticing
i hope of exotic brazil love moments fortnightly. you sound to be exotic, maybe you are making of dreems! lolol
you speak well with english like a warrior and his bustle. I gamble on you accent to be dashing!!
lots of high five
kelly
Bring on more stories. This will make night feedings so much more enertaining.
jared’s mock email was a little too good, if you know what i mean. have you ever thought that boy was just constantly pestering you via pretend eharmony men? maybe you should go out on these dates, take a trip to brazil, experience flavio. if he does exist…